0:00
very Italian way But then when I moved to Rome I realized that I wasn't very
0:06
Italian at all A slower quality of life that I' that I've come to appreciate
0:11
There was nothing familiar about it Um you know I mean we don't have German
0:16
origins A very bureaucratical thing to do not to work for the baton It feels like very up in Italy I am super
0:24
overprotective I'm always worried I hover my helicopter mom Italians are
0:30
always late Um it's true
0:37
Welcome to another episode of Expert Experts My guest today is Rosa Maria
0:42
Manchini a journalist and former Wall Street Journal writer who left behind a
0:47
successful career and already built community in New York to follow a new path in Italy and then Germany In this
0:54
episode we will explore her work at the Vatican how she navigated becoming a mother while being an expert and how she
1:02
documented her journey in a book called SOS Podcasts Beyond her work we are
1:07
going to talk about cultural shock hilarious misunderstandings and the role of podcasts in feeling connected while
1:13
being abroad So sit back relax and let's explore this expert experience together
Guest Background & Expat Journey
1:22
So welcome Rosa Maria Thank you so much I'm so excited excited to to have you here in the in the episode Uh um you
1:30
have a very interesting life three countries So you lived in Italy and in currently living in Germany so you're
1:37
still an expert Uh but you're originally from New York as far as I can recall Uh
1:42
so maybe we can start from the beginning and maybe you can explain a little bit uh what is your background and and what
1:49
was your life in New York before we entered the to the first move to Italy Sure Thanks so much for for having me
1:56
I'm happy to be here So yes I mean I was uh born and raised in New York um in an
2:03
Italian family My parents were immigrants from Italy from southern Italy from Pulya And I have to tell you
2:10
that I really never imagined a life or a career outside of you know what I
2:15
considered to be like one of the most dynamic places in the world which is New York and New York City Um and then I
2:23
also wanted to study journalism So I thought you know what there's no better place than New York and and to work in
2:28
journalism and to first study but then to work obviously Um so I really never
2:33
thought I was going to leave New York I also had this very loving uh tight-knit family you know a very Italian family
2:40
where we would do things together There's Sunday dinner the typical Italian things So and family always you
2:48
know comes first So you know I had fallen into that train and I was
2:53
actually very happy in that train But then I got an opportunity um that came along that I really just couldn't pass
2:59
up And that was um a job opportunity in Rome And usually nobody ever moves to
3:04
Italy for work because they have a very high unemployment rate in Italy But um I was very lucky and I um had a it was a
3:12
sort of a reporting position with the Wall Street Journal in Rome So I couldn't pass that up So I said you know
3:19
I'm going and it was just supposed to be for a year and I was very excited
3:24
because you know I loved Italy Um and I loved everything about it But you know as I my time there um expanded you know
3:33
I started to love Italy but then I also started to to to hate Italy at the same time So it was this very lovehate
3:40
relationship So I really loved the city I loved being in Rome I loved the architecture I remember that I would
3:47
like take the the subway um on the metro and my stop was Colos which is you know
3:54
a fantastic stop because when you walk out of the subway there it is in all of its glory It was very different than you
3:59
know 14th Street in Manhattan which is nice but it's no So I loved being
4:05
surrounded by that Um and I loved being in Rome and I you know I started to
4:10
really appreciate food and all of those fantastic things that Italy has to offer
4:15
I I mean I started to get like very excited about fruits and vegetables and things that I never really paid much
4:20
attention to Um so that was all great but then I you know I also hated Italy
4:27
because I couldn't deal with um you know what we would say was that the Italian
4:34
bureaucracy at the time and the inefficiency of certain things So that was very very challenging to me Um so
4:41
you know I I remember um just a quick thing I you know I remember once my
4:46
colleagues had told me you know if you just got here so why don't you get like a a bank account at the post which is
4:54
the post italane So I said you know okay this sounds like a good idea They're like you just got here let's just keep
5:00
it simple so you go there So I went there and it became a a test of my of my
5:06
will and my strength to use the Italian post office because it was just you know
5:13
and I like I said I loved Italy as well but it was just challenging because I would go to this beautiful post office
5:20
at at Patza San Sylvestro in Rome which is right by uh the Galleria I think
5:26
that's the Galleria Berto and right in the center And I would go there It was this beautiful building and then I would
5:34
push my little button as if I was at the Department of Motor Vehicles in New York and my little number would come out and
5:39
it would be something like you know 230 and then I'd look up at the at the what
5:46
number we're at and it said they were at like 160 and I was like well how is it possible that there are 90 people in
5:52
front of me online so I those are the things that I found challenging but I you know it was this
5:58
lovehate relationship with Italy I would say interesting I mean I'm I'm I'm
6:05
struggling with the bureaucracy right now I moved to Italy couple of months ago So yeah I I'm passing through
6:12
through the through the experience of like uh requesting your tax number then
6:18
getting the the cards getting that not being able to open bank account if you don't have the proper papers etc etc So
6:25
I definitely know what you're talking about Okay Uh I mean in your case I assume
6:31
it's you were a little bit more prepared at least from a cultural perspective of
6:36
course because you come from an Italian family So it was it really like or what
6:42
you thought it would be Italy living there or or was it something completely
6:48
different from how your family used to do things back at home it was you know in I have to say when I
6:54
lived in New York I thought I was very Italian because I had these Italian parents and because we did things the
7:01
what what I thought was the very Italian way But then when I moved to Rome I
7:07
realized that I wasn't very Italian at all because I had a lot of American and
7:14
New York influence in me So it was very um it it was different It
7:21
was a lot different than I had imagined because I I didn't really like I didn't really fit in there Even though I
7:27
thought like you know I'm like I'm Italian just like you But after I say ciao and a few words you can tell that
7:33
I'm I have cuz I have an American accent when I speak So it's people could
7:39
immediately tell that I was not Italian from my accent And then things were very
7:46
different I mean my parents would do things that you know they had remembered
7:51
Italy when they immigrated So they were actually late immigrants but they immigrated in ' 69 So they would do
7:58
things that people did in the 60s that when I went to Italy in in 200 I think
8:03
it was if I remember 2008 um for my when I started to live there they were like
8:10
we don't do this stuff What are you talking about we don't we don't celebrate holidays like this or we don't
8:16
uh we don't have these traditions So it was very hard It was very difficult because it's kind of like you you don't
8:22
really fit in in both places cuz in New York we were like very Italian and we weren't very American but then uh in
8:29
Italy I was not at all Italian They were like "You're not Italian." So it was hard It was actually harder But I did
8:36
find obviously a lot of things that reminded me of of of family life because
8:41
there is this sort of love of being together and this love of just you know sitting at a table having good food a
8:49
nice glass of maybe wine or proco whatever it is um and spending time
8:55
together So I did find a lot of that and that reminded me a lot of of home and and family So I would say that
9:03
I see makes sense I mean I think I interviewed a couple of people who are descendants of like
9:10
like immigrants and then when they go back home it's always this transition of like belonging but not really belonging
9:17
and the same in the place where you grow you are from there but also doing things
9:22
differently So it's a little bit of the feeling of part of nowhere Um it's true
9:28
You work for the Vatican or you were your work What was it about because
9:36
it's it feels like a very bureaucratical thing to do not to work for the Vatican It feels like very big Uh what was what
9:43
was exactly your your dayto-day in there sure Um so yes I worked for the Holy Sea
9:49
I worked for the Vatican I worked for the Vatican's um pilgrimage arm which was called um which is still there
9:55
obviously Um it's called Opera Romana Pelgrin So it's basically the arm of the Vatican that organizes pilgrimages uh
10:03
for for travelers for tourists Um so I handled all of our um relations with the
10:09
foreign press So in my day-to-day it was you know writing press releases um you
10:15
know about our our trips like we would also in coordination with the the Holy Seas press office we would also bring
10:21
journalists to the papal journeys as well So we organized those Um but it was
10:27
it was actually fascinating I have to say because it it it sounds very big but
10:35
it is it's also very um it's very humble I have to say because it's um it's it
10:43
was a wonderful place to work I mean for me as a as a Roman Catholic it was a
10:48
natural but my my faith grew a lot um while I was there because there were moments of like prayer and reflection
10:55
that we could all have if we wanted There were also in in our office there were some non-atholic people that worked
11:02
there so they weren't obligated uh to participate But it was also somewhat
11:08
like I would say strange because you know when you're for someone like me who had worked in journalism and and
11:13
business news to then have a boss that is you know a priest a manscior or a cardinal is a little is a little
11:21
different So it's not like you're saying hey excuse me Joe it's more like excuse me your um your holiness Well not I mean
11:29
that would be the father but we'll say your your excellency or something along those lines So I had to be very careful
11:34
with the titles that I used And as a foreigner you know we're not very good with like formal and informal at least
11:41
Americans because we only use you So it was very it was like a learning experience for me to be very um careful
11:48
with my word usage and how I was addressing people and if I was using the right uh you know formal or informal Um
11:56
I also I have to say you know there there isn't a dress code but there is So
12:03
you know I I noticed that from when I started I was very young at the time Um like I I started to look more and more
12:10
nunlike as the as the years went by Um because it's you know you I mean you
12:15
don't want to go in with like exposed arms You can't I mean I remember like I used to wear like you know fun colored
12:23
nail polish and at one point I was like "Oh my god I can't wear any anything bright I have to be very careful." Um so
12:30
there was like an unwritten dress code but you know you you you're around priests all day and so it's you
12:37
know it's it's interesting You need to adapt No you definitely have to adapt
12:43
You actually have to adapt Absolutely Yes So but it was fantastic I I loved it It was great Um so I actually missed a
12:50
little I missed that part a lot Um so that's why I kind of I I listen to a lot of podcasts Um so I can get those
12:58
moments of like prayer reflection meditation uh from that side because I don't have that at work anymore So
13:06
you said something that that stuck in my mind You said I was supposed to go for one year but definitely you stayed more
13:12
time than that No it sounded like that Um but then you moved to Germany also So
13:19
that at how much time did you spend in Italy and when that's that change of like from Italy to Germany happened and
13:26
why sure So yeah I was supposed to stay in in Rome for a year and then I was
13:32
supposed to return back to New York after my time at the journal but then a lot of things happened and it sounds
13:38
like a typical story but the truth is I did end up meeting my husband So I ended
13:44
up staying and and I ended up staying in Rome for what I was was about eight
13:51
years So I lived in Rome for eight years Um I did I did a year at the journal and then I did about five at the Vatican Um
13:59
and then I ended up having a family ended up having a child So we I had roots there Uh but I do remember telling
14:06
my mom like cuz she would she was crying Typical Italian mom was crying at the airport when I was leaving and I was
14:11
like "Mom I'm only going for a year Stop." And I'm coming back for Christmas you know But I think deep down she kind
14:17
of maybe she knew Uh I mean I do go back to New York a lot but I think she kind
14:23
of maybe knew something might happen So um so having a husband who was in the
14:29
Italian Air Force um meant that you know I was staying in Italy but then he um
14:35
got a posting to come to Germany So it was a very difficult um decision
14:42
for us to make I have to say because you know as much as I complained a lot about Italy I had kind of found my balance in
14:49
Italy Um because I spoke the language fluently I had colleagues I had a job I
14:56
now had a family of my own So I had found my my way per se Um and I was also
15:03
in like if I was going to be anywhere it it should be Italy at least I was a daughter of Italian immigrants it would
15:08
make sense for me to be there at least from a what I would call a logical
15:14
perspective But then we got this posting and we had to sort of weigh what the
15:19
right decision was and it was for 4 years um this posting So we didn't sleep
15:26
a lot but then we decided that it would be a good experience So we came to to
15:33
Germany and I'm still here now and it's now eight years later So
15:38
It's it's never the time that you should that you should do at the beginning No I
15:44
I know that also also left for theorically a couple of years and I'm still three countries later and eight
15:51
years after that I'm still turning going around without going back home So okay I
15:56
know that feeling Um where where are you in Germany that because Germany can change a lot between
16:03
one place and the other That's for sure Exactly Yeah So I live in a small town
16:10
called Gangel which is on the west side sort of north Basically we live in
16:17
what's called the triborder area which is means that we're on the border between Belgium and the Netherlands So
16:23
if I drive 10 kilometers in one direction I'm in the Netherlands If I drive about 15 in the other I'm in
16:30
Belgium So we're really close to the border Uh but I live in a very small town that's very rural Um not Rome
16:38
definitely not New York I mean there are bison down the block Um so it is uh it's
16:46
very rural Yes it's very rural It sounds like a big change of ways of
Biggest Challenges & Surprising Moments
16:52
doing also No like uh from from Rome I mean I assume like from New York which
16:58
is hectic uh life all the time very very happening things Rome it is but I assume
17:07
New York it's much more than Rome Um and now going to a small town How was the
17:13
transition to to a a much more calmer life for you um at the beginning it was
17:19
really hard It was really hard I I I said to myself where am I because it
17:25
feels like I mean it felt like I was in the middle of nowhere I I I didn't like you know the closest city is um a city
17:32
called Aken which is uh here in Germany and it's about 35 kilometers away from
17:38
us Um and it's a small city It's got like 200,000 people but it but it's still a city but it's still 35 km away
17:44
So when I got here I was like where am I there's you know sheep and cow and all of these things So it became very
17:51
challenging and actually quite isolating because you know my husband was lucky He went to work all day and he had his
17:57
Italian colleagues and it was great and then I was here with my daughter who then you know started school and I was
18:04
like what am I going to do with myself you know so how am I going to survive
18:10
this period because it it there's there was nothing familiar about it um you
18:17
know I mean we don't have German origins we didn't speak the language at all at
18:23
the beginning now we speak a little bit Our kids speak better than than we do
18:29
obviously Um that always happens Um but it was it was it was scary It was quite
18:37
scary at the beginning It was scary So I threw myself into work Um and I decided
18:42
that in this period I was going to work on a PhD because I said I have to do something and challenge myself So I
18:48
decided to get a PhD And I also turned to podcasts I found
18:54
podcasts Um I knew they existed but then I I found them and they they completely
19:00
helped me survive So yeah it's it's something that I found
19:05
interesting from from your book actually like that you experience like I don't know the
19:11
whole unmotivation the isolation that a lot of experts feels when they go to a
19:17
strange place because of I don't know because of relations and the other person having a job and you're alone at
19:22
home and these kind of things are are kind of common when I interview a lot of experts So I think it's a kind of
19:29
pattern over there and I and I I find interesting from from your from your
19:35
point or from your the book and and what you were doing is that you found a a a
19:41
way of connecting through podcasts which is not you are the first person that I heard that they they felt like more not
19:48
not accompanied but it was like dealing with the struggles of experts through
19:53
podcast It's the first time that I heard it and I I would love to to hear in which sense like you you felt like
20:01
embraced by it like uh it helped you pass the time or it helped you like uh
20:06
listen to other experiences Which kind of podcast were you listening or are you listening sure Um yeah So I mean
20:14
I being in my late 30s at the time it was very hard because you know I you
20:21
know it's easier to make friends when you're younger I think Uh but when you get a little older it becomes a little
20:27
harder So I I was having difficulty connecting with people And then like I
20:33
said my husband was at work all day and I was like you know what i'm you know so I started like just listen I had known I
20:38
knew what podcasts were because I I taught journalism at university So we we listened to serial we explored the you
20:45
know we explored it as a as a storytelling uh great example of storytelling but then I was like you
20:51
know let me see what else I can find So I started finding podcasts that could
20:57
actually help me with what were in essence my daily struggles So you know
21:02
feeling like I couldn't make friends Well you know I would listen to an episode of NPR's LifeKit and somebody on
21:09
LifeKit would talk about like how it's awful to make friends in your late 30s How it you know people would rather have
21:15
a root canal than actually go and and and socialize with people So like what
21:21
they did was they kind of helped me to feel understood like oh there's
21:26
somebody else who's actually feeling this Uh um so it it helped in that regard And then you know there were also
21:33
times when I just needed to laugh Um you know I didn't So I would just you know
21:38
find podcasts that were comedy related and I would listen to to standup comedy
21:44
that would just make me crack up because I needed that Or there would be a
21:50
podcast you know I like stories so maybe I just wanted to escape and I would listen to sort of limited storytelling
21:56
podcasts that had a beginning middle and end But then I also wanted to be connected to to home and I wanted to
22:03
know what was going on in New York Not that I couldn't do that on on reading the news on the web because of course I
22:08
could do that but it there's something special about podcast There's that sense of intimacy about having those voices in
22:15
your ears um that just makes it more special So like I like I felt and I know
22:22
some people like think this might be a little weird but I like felt that at some moments that some of those podcast
22:28
hosts were like my friends because it was like h Maria's going to talk about this today Oh I know how she feels about
22:35
that So it was pretty like it created this sense of like um the sense of
22:42
friendship and the sense of relationship and it's really what I needed because I wasn't getting that from my local
22:48
community but I was getting that from all of these podcast hosts So um I
22:53
really listened it for everything Like I said I missed my my prayer and reflection So I found podcasts by the
22:59
Jesuits who would help me fall asleep at night okay which is maybe what I needed or um any any other issue that I was
23:07
having I kind of just turn to podcasts And I mean I I still do that today I
23:13
mean I I I have my favorite podcasts the ones that I listen to and I and I look for those voices Like I want to hear um
23:20
you know my upfirst podcast from NPR I want to hear Michael Babaro at the New
23:25
York Times tell me about what the big issues are in New York I do want to get great storytelling from Cautionary Tales
23:33
and Tim Hartford that I listen to So these podcasts are kind of you know
23:39
they're there for me And I mean I if I need a dose of like a New York voice so
23:44
I get it And I also listen to Italian podcasts too Um and so I listen to like
23:50
you know uh podcasts that like I've been listening to the Chichilia Salah podcast
23:56
uh who was the journalist who was uh abducted Uh so I listen to her daily
24:01
podcasts every day Um it's just um they really helped fill a void and in in that
24:07
difficult time for me And in essence I just kept listening So I listen a lot now Whenever I get a free moment um I
24:14
can listen And you as you know podcasts are great because you know they're on demand They're there Um I can stop when
24:21
I want to I can pick up a kid from the bus and then do something else or um so
24:27
they they're just such a it's just such a flexible medium that fits in great with busy lives So it's fantastic and
24:35
they've they totally helped me I mean I I have to say they were like my life buoy when I was by myself here I was
24:41
like "Oh I'm going to just put these people in my ears and and and just listen and and and and and feel better
24:48
or get some good advice or or figure out what to do on the weekend you know?" Even that
24:55
makes a lot of sense I mean I think like I I also do that like especially the part of connecting back with back home
25:01
feels like very relatable It's the way of like listening to someone explaining
25:07
what's going on while you are not there which is which is nice I wanted to ask you something because I I don't have the
25:14
opportunity that much times to I had some some mothers uh in in the podcast
25:20
but I always find very interesting the fact of like motherhood and parenthood in in in an expert or being abroad Um
25:29
how has been the the experience of becoming a mother uh while living in a
25:34
in a country that is not yours wow Um that's a good question and it's
25:41
been really crazy Okay I have to say because
25:46
I mean I had one child in Italy and then I had another child here in Germany So
25:52
in Italy it was you know I remember when my daughter was born and we had to start
25:59
like weaning her off of milk and she was going to eat like food Well I went to my
26:04
Italian pediatrician and I thought like he was going to do what my sister's doctor pediatrician did in New York
26:10
which was you know buy some baby carrots buy some baby peas and start to test the baby and see what he or she likes So
26:18
that's what I thought I was going to do Uh but then I went to my Italian pediatrician and he was like "You need
26:23
to start cooking." And I was like "What?" And he wanted he told me that I needed to start making vegetable soup
26:29
for my baby that this baby was going to have parigano that was aged 36 months and olive oil at 6 months old And I I I
26:38
was at the doctor's office with my notepad because I mean I was like "Is this guy crazy like he wants me to give
26:45
my child like parigano cheese at at at 6 months Um so but it you know she loved
26:53
it and it worked I took good notes I figured out how to make it Um and I gave it to her Then when I had to do the same
27:00
thing for my son in Germany like I thought you know what are these people going to tell me to do and they the
27:07
doctor didn't even come in for this appointment Basically the assistant told me just go to the store and pick up
27:13
whatever you want and just test it out on the baby And I was like you you know and they have weird food in Germany for
27:20
for kids Um but it's like I I think maybe it's weird but maybe it's not
27:26
weird but for me it was weird cuz it was like German food rinder fly and all this
27:32
weird stuff So I was like they want me to give this to my kid So I was like I can't do this So then I actually did it
27:39
the Italian way with my son as well So um it's completely different styles and
27:45
I thought that like I used to think that one like my way was the best way but I
27:52
have to say it's actually not because I've been able to like pick the good
27:57
things from all of these different countries So there's a great respect for like for food in Italy but in Germany
28:04
there's also this great um sense of like giving kids more more
28:09
freedom Like I noticed that like you know the kids here that are like six years old they walk to the bus they walk
28:16
to the bus they walk to school by themselves Like in Italy people would never do that To a six-year-old you
28:22
would you you just wouldn't let them go by themselves So there's this sense of community here where I can let my kids
28:29
walk to the bus Um I don't do it I'm not ready yet Uh but there is a sense of community that you you can let your kids
28:36
go walk to the bus that your neighbors will keep an eye on him or her Um so I've been able to pick the good things
28:42
from all of these places But it's but it's different It's different It's it's just sometimes it's just um about
28:50
accepting and it's also about learning because you know you you realize that your way is not the best way that that
28:57
it can improve So that's been good for me That's been good for me Maybe one last question related to this
29:03
one What about the the hospitals and the school systems because also you need to
29:11
get used to whatever you are systemwise and and language I assume like it's uh it's not as easy as you need to adapt to
29:19
it No sure I mean I will say that like from a school system perspective my kids my
29:25
they go to an international school So they're I mean my son goes to the German
29:31
section at this international school and they are very um they're very ruleheavy
29:36
while my daughter who's in sort of the the Canadian section they're kind of less strict But like you know my kids
29:44
like my son is not allowed to leave school early for any reason It's just
29:50
very strict Um not so flex not unflexible unlike um that I find with
29:56
the with the Canadians per se But in terms of hospital-wise
30:02
um I can tell you a funny story that when I had my my
30:07
my son um I I was wanted to have a
30:13
cescareian section because I had a cescareian section when I had my daughter So I decided that I just wanted
30:19
to have a second one I didn't want to try to have a baby naturally So I went to my the you know in Germany they do
30:26
this kind of hospital tour So and then you visit And I went there and I was like listen I want to have a cescareian
30:33
section And I pulled up my calendar and I said "Hey," and I was looking at my
30:38
calendar I was like "You know what i don't want to do it this day because my daughter's going to be home from
30:43
school." And I said "But this day is actually very good but I don't want to also do it on the 20th because that's my
30:50
husband's birthday and I wouldn't like them to have the same birthday." And they looked at me and they were like
30:57
"This is Germany We decide when you are going to have this
31:04
Uh we don't want you to do this." Um so it was a very uh just a very different
31:12
experience They were not um flexible at all with my my planning and my
31:19
scheduling and how I wanted to fit this in They were like "It's not going to happen uh this is the week you're going
31:24
to do it Uh we decide So you know different definitely different
31:29
Definitely different So a little bit more strict more more German in that sense And and you end having a a son
31:36
with the same birthday as as his dad or or I did I did Of course Yes They didn't
31:42
care Yes He's born on the same day October 20th as my husband Yeah They didn't care So of course it it needed to
31:49
be the day Of course Yes Yes Of it was that No ifands or buts about it
31:55
Cool Uh so for closing a little bit this this first section of the episode I would like to ask you
Expat Life Hack & Advice
32:02
uh life hack and advice a tip uh to anyone who would like to move uh to the
32:08
countries that you lived in or or even like if you want to tackle it from the motherhood perspective whatever you you
32:15
have in mind Sure Um I mean if there's one thing I would say to whoever sort of
32:21
decides to to leave their home country and move someplace else is to create a
32:27
home for yourself no matter where it is no matter how big or small it is and
32:33
even and no matter how for what time it is because I think that that is really important because after a day out in
32:42
this other country whether you're working whether you're um you know just being a tourist whatever it may be
32:49
because your husband or your spouse um your partner is out working um you need
32:54
to come back to a place that feels like home and that is really important I
33:00
remember a lot of my my husband's colleagues who had also come here to Germany for the first uh for four years
33:06
for a four-year posting had decided to sort of leave all their stuff in Italy and just kind of you know wing it here
33:13
and I I mean I had learned from my experience moving from Rome from New York to Rome that it was important for
33:20
me to have things So and it may sound materialistic but I brought my things with me because it's nice to have those
33:27
pictures of of my family It's nice to have that little frame that what that you know that my dad gave me because it
33:34
reminds me of him Um so create a home for yourself Um no matter even if you
33:40
think you're going to stay there for just a year because you want to go at night when you're home you want to be in a place that feels good that makes you
33:47
feel good Um and if you have those things with you because we the thing is we're human beings and we are attached
33:54
to things Um and they don't have to be the most materialist thing They're just sentimental things So bring those things
34:01
with you Create a home for yourself so that when you come back at the end of the day you feel like you're in a good
34:07
place and you're reminded of those those subtle things that that always give you
34:12
joy which could be like family Um you know you know just great dinner wear It
34:18
could even just be great dinner wear I love or your morning co coffee cup that is like your go-to cup that where you
34:23
start your day So um create a great home for yourself That's what I would say to anybody who's moving uh overseas or to
34:30
another country nearby or or far Love that I think there is very much an
34:37
important thing of creating emotions with with certain small things also like that's that's very important when you
34:43
when you have moments of doubt and um living abroad that happens when you're
34:49
an expert Absolutely You have moments of doubt Lots of them Lots of them Yes
34:55
Hey there everyone I hope you're enjoying this episode so far Remember that the best way to stay tuned with the
35:01
latest episodes of the podcast is by clicking on subscribing YouTube and in your favorite audio platform For extra
35:08
content and information follow like and comment on our social media and visit our website
35:14
expatexpresspodcast.com Thank you for supporting our podcast and let's continue with the episode Um so yeah uh
35:21
with that said I would say that we jump to the to the next part of the episode where I would like to to play a little
Cultural Deep Dive & Fun Comparisons
35:28
bit of quick mini games that I prepared for for a cultural deep dive and let's
35:33
do a little bit of comparison between your experience in America in in Italy and in Germany Uh the first one that I
35:41
prepared it's called an speed round uh and it's a I would say an a stereotype
35:46
and between the Italian and German and Germany as as countries and you tell me
35:52
if if you believe it's true or or not and if you have experienced that in in
35:58
your time here Okay sounds good The first one is that Italians are always
36:04
late Um it's true And I tend to be late too And I've
36:12
picked that up from the Italians Yes Yes They they are late They're very relaxed Yes it's true Absolutely The Americans
36:20
love small talk even with strangers Um I don't think so I don't think that's
36:27
true at all I mean I think that um you know I noticed that like here everyone's
36:32
like "Hello hello Morgan Morgan." And that's everyone everyone says hello to each other Uh while in the US you might
36:39
walk by and nobody says hi to you So I don't think we do much small talk at all You know that it's a stereotype that we
36:45
have about Americans in Europe in general No like the chener Yes Okay
36:54
Uh Germans love following rules Hands down Yes They they love the rules
37:02
the the rules are the most important thing that guide their life Um even if
37:08
and I notice it's so funny that like my son because he was born here he has
37:13
picked up some of this Germanness in him that like he'll tell me he's like mommy
37:18
you're going it says 30 and you're going 36 like you know kilometer and I'm like
37:24
please stop He's like but you're not following the rules So yeah Germans are all about rules That's so true Yeah
37:33
everyone in Italy drinks espressos never big coffees Um yeah that's true I mean they don't I
37:42
mean they don't drink big coffees at all They don't want anything to do with big coffees Yeah it's it's quick One zip and
37:49
go Yeah it's one zip and go It's fast You can't even have a tea Like if you have a tea it's so funny when I sometime
37:56
I like tea Okay and and my husband is from Naples So like if in the afternoon
38:01
I'd like to have a tea So when I go to the bar and I'm like you know can I have
38:06
a tea they look at me like are you okay like do you want lemon in it is something wrong with your stomach and
38:12
I'm like no I just want a tea Like did they're like did you eat something bad i'm like no I just want tea cuz I like
38:18
tea So yeah there's no tea in the afternoons There's absolutely no capuccino and it's always short espresso
38:25
Correct Everything in the US is bigger Cars
38:30
houses food portions everything Yeah it's true Everything is bigger Even
38:37
the fruit is bigger Yeah everything's bigger Yeah we got bigger cars bigger
38:42
houses Yeah it's true Beer it's basically cheaper than water
38:47
in Germany Yes that is definitely true Yes water is
38:53
very expensive uh compared to beer Yeah beer is very cheap It's like water
39:00
Maybe I will do a couple more uh related to to motherhood Italian moms
39:07
are overprotective compared to other mothers in the world
39:12
Um yes they are But I have joined them So I have I am just like them I picked
39:19
that up in Italy I am super overprotective always worried I hover I
39:25
helicopter mom It's exhausting It's exhausting And I picked up this habit
39:31
from Italians Americans are so much more relaxed Like I worry about everything
39:36
and they are just like they don't have a coat on who cares you know i'm like what
39:42
do you mean so yeah Okay last one Uh in Germany nobody cross
39:48
the street on a red light even if there is no cars coming That is correct That is correct They I
39:56
mean I I we have this is probably I should not say this but there is a crosswalk at the school where my my kids
40:03
go to this German school where they learn Italian because they do Italian lessons and it's in Germany and there is
40:08
a crosswalk there and like everybody goes to the crosswalk and sometimes
40:13
because we're late I don't use the crosswalk and my son is like no Um so
40:19
yeah they they stop they always follow the rules I'm breaking them Terrible
40:25
Sorry Be careful You still live there I know I'm going to be careful They're going to
40:31
find me They're going to find me I'm scared Absolutely Absolutely
40:37
Okay So I would say we jump into the second uh second mini game that I
40:42
prepared It's I call it a little bit like a word battle and and which
40:48
language has the most beautiful translation for it So I will give you an English word I'm sure that you know the
40:54
Italian uh translation for it Uh if you know the German one you can also give it
41:00
And then we try to find out if it sounds better as a word in Italian and uh or in
41:06
German which is always a a fight No like they always say that German is a a harsh
41:13
language while Italian is much more romantic So we we can find out Of course if you don't know the German word just
41:19
let me know and I and I help in that one Okay good You know how it's called
41:25
butterfly in Italian farfala You know the word in German no
41:35
Ah okay Fartala is better Okay Yes Also
41:41
it's a type of pasta so you always find Yeah that's also good Yes And it's something you can eat Sure Barfala
41:48
ice cream Uh it's gelato or ice which I
41:54
know Bonus bonus points for me because I know that Uh gelato just I mean ice sounds
42:02
like ice like you know American ice Yeah So written differently but Yes written
42:10
differently obviously Yes But I mean I like gelato Who doesn't like gelato
42:15
agree Okay Especially if it's Italian
42:20
Exactly Here it happens the other way around Hospital Okay
42:27
Hospital is hospital and then that's cranking house Right Okay I'm doing good
42:34
today Cranking house or hospital you know what
42:40
i like You know what i'm going to give one to the Germans Cranken house Yeah It's like a house for sick people Yeah I
42:47
love it I think it's one of these ones that I I don't know You need to go to the cranker house and it's like it's
42:54
hard It's not a place that you want to go you know like it sounds serious because but it is a serious place so it
43:01
should have a serious sounding tone Conan house Yeah I agree We'll give it to the Germans
43:07
Let's go I will do three more Okay You know how ladybug it's called in Italian
43:15
ladybug is coinella And I don't know that one in German No
43:22
Mar and Kea Kea means back and Marian I don't know
43:28
why but in Spanish and in Catalan we call Soh we call them Marietas like
43:33
little Maras Okay I have no idea where it comes from but in German it's also
43:39
Marian Kea Should we give it to the Germans i like that We could give it to the Germans I
43:45
mean yeah let's give it to the Germans Yeah let's give that one to the Germans
43:50
And this one I actually need to to also search the one in Italian because I
43:55
didn't know it but the the bats the animal the night animal Ah okay
44:05
Yes In in Germany it's fle mouse which is
44:11
like a rat It's like a transl a more direct
44:17
translation like proper German translation of how it's the thing So it might be easier to understand
44:24
We'll say like you could probably figure it out with that literal translation But pipel is a cool word Yeah Let's give it
44:31
to the Italians Yeah Is a cool word And I would do the last one Sure It also
44:40
happens that in Germany it's a very very much a direct translation Uh you know how it's called
44:47
rainbow in Italian and in Germany it's called aren bogan I
44:55
I rean boen boen which is literally rean means rain and boen means corf So it's
45:01
the corf when it rains Straightforward Um what do you think Marco what do you
45:10
think well who should we give it to nah let's go Italian Arco Okay let's go with AR
45:18
I actually thought about it And rainbow It's also literally the translation It is Oh that's exactly rain and then the
45:26
Yeah B So do you see how like could you because there are really a lot of similar words with German and and
45:33
English So um it it does work more from a from a from a literal translation
45:38
perspective to help in that regard but then there are some words that are just I don't know where they came from So
45:45
absolutely Um I will do one last uh um mini game which is related to motherhood
45:55
around the world So I research a little bit of the strange parenting customs let's say like this like uh traditions
46:01
from all over the world that are a little bit I don't know I heard about them some of them some others are like
46:07
strange okay and you can try to guess from where they
46:13
are and and if you heard from them before and then at the end of it if you have any parenting tradition that you
46:18
grew up from any of the countries that you lived in uh feel free to share your your point also in that one Sure Um the
46:27
first one is to have nap time outdoors So it's common for parents to let their
46:32
babies outside in the fresh air even in winter because it they believe that it
46:38
strengthens their immune system Um and you want me to say from which
46:45
country this comes from or if it's if you heard about it and if you know if I think this is definitely a northern
46:51
European thing This is not an Italian thing Like Italians are afraid of the draft Any kind of cold air um is
46:59
dangerous for Italians So this is definitely like a Norwegian thing or some other northern European country
47:06
Yeah definitely And you know what the Yeah And the Germans do they do it i don't know if they do It's
47:13
regions but it's not a more more traditional part of it It's it's very common in Scandinavia some German parts
47:19
I suppose the parts that touches more closer to with Denmark might do it but uh it's very very common in Scandinavia
47:26
Yes Okay Um red wine for kids This is not done
47:32
anymore Hopefully Oh my god Uh but in these countries it was once
47:38
common for parents to let children have a small amount of wine diluted with water during meals as Yeah Exactly as a
47:46
part of food culture Okay because it's a way of showing and introducing
47:51
responsible drinking at young age Yeah this is an Italian thing I think I mean I did this as a kid I mean my my
47:58
grandmother would my nona she would give me some wine and I'd put water in it because it was so strong But yeah and I
48:04
mean yeah this is definitely an Italian thing Um I I don't know maybe the Germans would probably put beer give the
48:10
kids beer uh and not wine but is this an Italian thing yeah I would say it's an
48:16
Italian thing I don't know if they do it but uh back in the day it was also quite
48:21
traditional in some regions in France and Spain also So really I never did it I never had it at home but it it could
48:29
happen Uh maybe the last one looking a little bit on the time Sure Uh the
48:36
baby's first gift it's a knife It is a tradition to give a small knife for a
48:42
first birthday to the gift Okay I have no idea This is not an
48:48
American thing It's definitely an It's not an Italian thing and it's neither a
48:54
German It's not a German thing Who is doing this it's close It's close to
48:59
Germany Really it's Yeah it's very traditional in a rural areas of
49:05
Switzerland Uh that's the Is it like a Swiss knife yes the Swiss Army knife Yes
49:12
Okay Oh that's so funny It's I mean it's a very small knife and probably it's not
49:17
even sharpened or anything but it it's a gift that symbolizes the independence and responsibility for kids from very
49:25
young age You already have your own knife to do things Wow Not dangerous at
49:30
all Interesting Um with that said I would ask you do you
49:37
did you grab any parenting traditions from Italy or Germany so far like that you said Okay Like I mean you already
49:43
said in Germany that the bus thing like that kids going to school alone but not ready not not yet Yeah Not ready to do
49:50
that Yes Um I picked up I would say like I picked up the the Italians and the the
49:56
cold air like I am afraid of cold air now So I constantly like my kids are very overdressed Um I don't sit them
50:04
near like when we go to the US they don't I I try to help them like avoid
50:10
being near like air conditioning vents So I kind of like scan the room and see where I can put them in so they're safe
50:16
and they're not getting like cold air on their bodies Um so I picked that up from Italy Um because Italian moms are very
50:22
concerned about that kind of stuff Um German stuff Yeah Bodaria is like the
50:28
the enemy of the world My kids my kids always wear like a white undershirt
50:34
under everything Always um I remember my son when he first uh like started
50:42
wearing shorts you know it's not really warm in Germany or at least in this part of Germany It gets warm but it's like a
50:47
week and then it's over or maybe two weeks I don't want to exaggerate But um when he saw his knees he was like "Oh
50:55
my god like I have knees." He's like he had never really like seen them in shorts before So like you
51:03
know he that was a very funny uh thing for him to happen But um what have I
51:08
picked up from the Germans um I'm not ready to get my kids to be on the bus themselves But I um I I do like their
51:16
their their sense of their their their sense of independence So I I'm trying to
51:22
to to give them um more independent but and I also noticed that like in this
51:28
rural part there are kids that actually play outside and that's nice because we you know we don't have so much of that
51:35
uh in in big cities anymore Um so they are able to play outside and they are
51:40
like without getting run over by a car uh you know maybe a tractor but not a car because uh but so I tried to pick
51:48
that up from from my German uh neighbors per se
51:54
Cool Like I would love my kids to play outside That's that's a big one Like not
51:59
everything needs to happen inside Yeah No they can Yeah they can they can go
52:04
outside here Like they do go outside They ride their bikes Uh and and it's
52:10
safe It's safe So that's that's something nice um that I don't know if
52:15
I'd be able to do if I if I lived in Rome I mean you have to be it's really hard to ride a bike in Rome There's no
52:22
bike lanes It's so much traffic Uh in New York it's the same thing So um you
52:27
know there is a there is like a slower quality of life that I've that I've come to appreciate Um so that's positive Yeah
52:36
Nice Well thank you so much for sharing your your parental
52:42
experiences also Um I would jump to to the audience Q&A I asked the listeners
Audience Q&A
52:48
for a couple of questions for you and it happens to be that I had three questions
52:55
and two of them we already responded them So I will ask the only question that I have left because we're going to talk about school systems and the work
53:02
that you did for the baton So they both ask for that Uh the third question that
53:08
I had is from Val Kintana and and she was asking in what language do
53:15
you speak to your children at home okay So I speak to my kids in English
53:23
and but my husband speaks to them in Italian So they they're by they're actually they're triilingual So they
53:29
speak Italian they speak English and then they speak German But I you know I
53:34
obviously like it's just easier for me to communicate in English because that is my mother tongue Uh but you know if
53:40
I'm out in the store and I uh need to say something and I don't want anybody to understand then I'll speak Italian
53:46
But uh because there's not many Italians here Uh but that's what I use That's what we that's what we've always done
53:51
And then even when I lived in Italy with my daughter I always spoke to her in English because I was very I wanted her to speak in English So um they have
53:58
their dad to speak Italian too Uh and then they have me in English So that's how we communicate And then it's
54:04
sometimes it's a mix I have to say you know it it it's more exciting to yell in Italian I have to say than it is to to
54:12
yell in English Uh it has a lot more ump So sometimes I might do that Uh but it's
54:17
mostly English Yeah Sounds sounds like a way of doing a
54:24
using the correct language when in each case No Like Exactly Exactly Exactly Depends on what I'm saying right
54:31
absolutely I mean but it's very logical that you use your mother tongues with your children also so they grab a
54:36
correct vocabulary and a correct way of talking It's that's important Um so yeah
54:43
before we start wrapping up a little bit the episode I would love to give you the floor to to speak a little bit about
Guest Promotion
54:49
your your current projects What are you working on and where can people find you and follow your work and what you are
54:56
doing so what what are you working on sure So I as you know I published my my
55:02
memoir SOS podcast that talks about my podcast listening living overseas um late last year So I'm you know working
55:10
on getting spreading the word about that Uh and you can find all that information about me on my website which is my name
55:16
which is rosemary manscini.com and you have links to my social media But now I my next project
55:24
is my next book So I'm working on a new book So I basically uh after writing
55:30
this memoir I realized that I'm not the best at taking care of myself because I
55:36
haven't I I haven't done a really good job at that Um so this next book that I'm writing is about self-care Uh and
55:43
and it it's funny because the SOS podcast is funny I do things I try to do things always with a sense of humor
55:48
because I think it's relatable and I think that you know I also think I'm pretty much a mess So I think people can
55:54
relate to being a mess and it's just it makes us human uh and it makes us
56:00
relatable So I that is me I am definitely a mess but I'm also quite human and I think quite relatable So
56:07
this next uh project of mine is about self-care and about you know my learnings and how I actually take care
56:15
of myself because I do a I I do that now and I wasn't doing that before You know
56:20
being an overprotective mother being a little bit anxious being a bit of a perfectionist that I am um doesn't lead
56:28
to good self-care it leads to a lot of anxiety and stress So this next project
56:34
is about like self-care and how I now carve out time to to take care of myself
56:39
So I'm working on that now Um but it will take some time for me to do that I
56:44
also do want to start my own podcast too But that's like a a pipe dream So I
56:49
don't know if that will happen but I do want to start my own podcast cuz I love podcasts and I think they're just such a
56:55
fantastic way to to connect with people to relate to people uh to be in their
57:01
ears Um and now there's such a big interest in like video podcasts and how
57:06
that's just the new thing It's like we don't want to just hear you we also want to see you So this just the blending of
57:13
everything coming together uh such a powerful storytelling uh and a powerful way to connect to people So my big plug
57:20
to you and to your podcasts but just follow me You can follow me on Instagram and you can find all that stuff on my
57:26
website and you can learn more about what I'm doing now Perfect Um yeah as always the the links
57:33
on on for uh Rosaria website also the social handle media handles everything
57:39
it's in the available in the description so you can go and check them out over there Uh before we really close the
57:46
episode now I would like you to to have the final stage let's say like this to
Funny Story & Wrap-up
57:52
if you have any funny or any crazy unexpected story from your time living
57:58
abroad that you would like to share with us Uh sure Let me think So the one story
58:04
that I think was actually kind of crazy and funny was that um I was in Rome It's an Italy story I was in Rome and I had
58:12
recently moved to Italy maybe just a few months in and I didn't really know too much about the culture per se even though I
58:19
knew Italian and and thought I was very Italian So I had gone to like a big
58:25
department store uh with my then boyfriend who was now my husband and I
58:31
was looking for you know stockings and leggings and all this kind of stuff but
58:37
I hadn't there was some kind of event going on at the store but I was just like "Oh whatever." or you know some
58:43
Italian person was there and they were promoting their what they had done but I
58:49
didn't realize that that person happened to be like Federica Pellegrini I don't know if you know her but she is uh an
58:57
Italian gold uh Olympic gold medalist Uh she's broken world records in the 400
59:04
meter She's like a f she's retired now uh but she's definitely younger than me
59:09
still But um she was at the store and there was like all this you know she
59:16
was walking around and stuff but I didn't know who she was So I needed a
59:22
size small in my leggings So there's this little blonde person and she was
59:28
dressed in all black So I figured that she worked at the department store So I
59:34
was about to touch her and cuz I was standing like where she was and I was like you know there was like a it's like
59:40
a party inside this door and I was about to touch her and I could hear my husband my now husband who was like
59:47
"No stop." Cuz I was going to ask her if she had a size small And I just as I
59:53
touched her he I I heard the stop and I and I turned around and I was like "What what is it?" And he's like "Stop stop
1:00:00
stop stop That's Federica Pellegrini So yeah I've done stuff like that cuz I
1:00:05
didn't know who she was I had no idea that you know she was an Olympic gold swimmer Uh and that she was just hanging
1:00:11
out at the store at this grand opening that that I happened to be at So yeah I've done stuff like that Um but now I
1:00:17
know who she is so I wouldn't that wouldn't happen again But yeah I mean you missed the opportunity of
1:00:25
getting clothes from from Pellegrini you know like maybe she would have signed it even Who knows who knows i don't know
1:00:31
She maybe she would have my husband thought she would have been very very upset but I was going to be like "Ma I was going to be
1:00:38
like and you know in my with myal American accent but ah I almost grab I
1:00:45
did I touched her and then I and I stopped because I turned around I was like why is he screaming in the store?"
1:00:50
Uh but that's that's a funny expat story I think Nice Well thanks thanks a lot
1:00:57
for the story and thanks a lot for for the this incredible conversation Uh it it has been a pleasure to have you in
1:01:03
the podcast Um as always as I said uh you can find all the links uh on the
1:01:09
episode description and don't forget to check what Rosaria is working on Follow
1:01:15
her on on social medias and of course don't forget to subscribe to the podcast Uh until then keep exploring stay
1:01:22
curious and see you in the next episode of Extra Experts Thanks so much for having me I appreciate it Thank you